I noticed that somehow there was this deep understanding beneath everything that I was doing and seeing. I had written about it and had expressed it in moments of gratitude to my friend for all they had done. The world was now so incredibly different from how it had appeared before.
I had always noticed small things, beetles, light on leaves, the magic of looking into the eyes of a bird or dog. This was the same superficially, but entirely different and even more nuanced, and miraculous.
There was this continuous understanding that affected everything I did, and every conversation I had. Saying it seems so trite and obvious, but the continuous knowledge that every single moment that this physical body experiences, was born in the stars, filtered into everything. It was incredible. Over billions of years gases formed, atoms were created and crushed. They coalesced into stars which again collapsed, spewing the elements they created into the abyss. What an indescribably miraculous chain of events. To be aware that these elements took billions of years to create and that from them, swamps were formed, the primordial soup pushing those elements together, to create the being that is reading this. Holy crap. What are the odds?
What an incredible thing to be able to stand, to talk, to run, to feel; all because stars rebirthed. This process took approximately 13.8 billion years. 13.8 Billion years to be able to breathe. The knowledge changed everything. The smallest experience was miraculous. Kicking my toe became something epically wonderful. We were created over billions of years to what, numb ourselves to life? To fight over dirt? To climb a social status ladder?
Never before had walking in the rain been so sweet, every drop truly falling from the heavens, landing on my skin, running down my face, my neck. What a privilege. What a joy. What would my life be like now in that knowledge?
So far it has been sublime. Even with cancer, even with the occasional fear that comes with scan results, there is joy. Fear - what a gift, feeling the body’s response to fear. The tightness in the chest, that shortness of breath, the processes of adrenalin and other chemicals surging through my system, all created in the stars. Assembled into fear, now. What a monumental gift, and and event that was meant to be, why...., because, it, was, here. This awareness of the immense passage of events that lead to now sat behind every experience. It was difficult to be too upset about a slow driver ( something I had struggled with in the past).
I felt that I was now aware of the construction of everything we could see and feel. There was more though. There was something that could as easily be explained by the stars machinations.
My Limited Edition Book:
In 2016 artist Mark Waller experienced a profound spiritual awakening, driven by the discovery of cancerous tumours in his brain and lungs. To his surprise, he discovered that there was the possibility of joy and light in facing death. Some of these pieces of text were written in hospital and in chemo wards. But all of them, despite the seriousness of his situation, are in fact profound celebrations of life.
Mark is currently living his best life, cancer free. And living with the philosophy that has stuck to him since his collapse, “we are here to play and give light”.
“These words are dedicated to cancer people. Those who have it; those who care for those who have it, and those who fear it. I love you all.”
- Mark Waller 2019
This book is an 8” x 8” hardcover “coffee-table” style book - a collection of images and prose painted and written by Mark Waller. 32 pages.
This limited edition print run of 50 includes a signed copy of the book “Musings from a Dance with Cancer”, and an original, signed A6 painting (starscape or waterscape) on watercolour paper by Mark Waller.
Click here for a digital preview sample of this book.